Nightmares, Tarot, & the Tri-state Area [Ad-free Version!]

2 responses to “Nightmares, Tarot, & the Tri-state Area [Ad-free Version!]”

1. 

   Mae

   October 17, 2024

   I am not sure where to leave this comment but perhaps I might leave it here and on your blog (for the purpose of engagement ✨). Before I begin the of my thoughts because , I just have to say you look so beautiful and gorgeous! Your makeup is breathtaking! The dark tint of the colors you used is so enriching and it stands out soooo amazingly well! 🌹❤

   Before I clicked to watch, I was using Somnia tarot myself, inquiring about its essence and the truth of the place and realm it resides, and though I am not in full understanding (struggling to translate what I feel from the cards into words), I felt its liminality and it being a sort of hidden place, a place in the back of my mind, a place I dive into, a whole bodily and spiritual experience only for it to be sooo deep that when I journey back to the top (of the ocean’s surface), it all seemed to be a hyperrealistic dream, something that resides deeply within my psyche, only being able to experience it again once I choose to dive in repeatedly (inner changes moreso than outer).

   Now onto what you talked about within this video; I have a very similar experience about the emptiness of New Jersey, the remnants of buildings, the scattered places of such and wetlands, being able to see the New York City skyline (which has always amazed me as a kid, the way everything is colored in blue, but still so clear). I thought it was only me that was aware of the emptiness of NJ (not that I have people around me that pay attention in sensory ways that I do), and I never thought much about it either, how prevalent the emptiness is, from having and still living and traveling places within NJ, especially the seemingly forgotten about, avoided/ignored places where people still live, or don’t. I have seen so many buildings remain as shells of themselves and the mixture it creates with seeing people walking about and living as if those buildings are truly gone is such a strange feeling, a deep melancholy that I am not even sure how to express.

   There is also the sight of long railroads that have always left me wondering about where they would take me, where the last stop would be, and if they are still operating (I still have such curiosity and a desire to ride a top of one of the trains, being able to be closer to the trees that gather on each side of the tracks). And I of course cannot forget about the permanent dull, foggy, light gray colored scheme (too cool toned for my liking) that seems to follow wherever I go. Life was brighter as a child, but even back then, the gray was present. (I should also mention that I was surprised and filled with an interesting excitement when I found out you lived and grew up in NJ when I read that one blog post of yours. The being close enough to a mall, coming up from a highway is what settled it lol)

   Thinking about it now, I the color scheme of Somnia, but it also sometimes feel a bit dull to me because it is so familiar and reminds me of my desire to escape NJ one day, because it reminds me of the places I live and have been in NJ, especially since I grew up and still live within the less fortunate part of NJ. I am now wondering if Somnia is tapped into the liminal of this trip-state area, the seemingly spiritual veil that seems to be so easily accessible to me as well, ever since I was a kid.

   It surprises me too that both Nicolas Bruno and Patrick Valenza are from around here! That gives a lot of merit to this curiosity and exploration of nightmares, tarot, and the tai-state area especially when I can relate so much! I have struggled with sleeping since I was a kid (insomnia), have had my fair share of nightmares (mostly religious in nature), sleep paralysis, spiritual attacks that has been with me ever since I was a teenager until a month or two ago, from traveling (without my will/wanting to do so) to a darkness realm (a spiritual version of my childhood home that I am still living in) that is always dark (no lights or electricity of any kind works there) and being endlessly stalked, attacked, bothered by shadow/all dark beings who I can feel in my body when they touch me and rush at me (a sensation I do not believe I will ever be able to describe because it is so non-human and a sort of coldness that is painful/sharp).

   But thanks to Somnia tarot, I stopped visiting the darkness realm for the most part (only have once since then). During July this year, I asked Somnia how to break free from the realm (because at this point, I was tired of being scared to sleep/travel there and being endlessly attacked), and I could not make sense of the cards I pulled (which included 9 of Swords) but that day, when I went to sleep, my reading/Somnia me to being in the spiritual version of my bedroom where light and electricity worked, though things there are always a little wonky; I can tell it is my bedroom though some things seem and are out of place.

   And outside my bedroom was just darkness, the darkness realm, in which a being approached me to attack and kept trying to get into my bedroom to also make it dark too, only for me to offer a peace contract of some kind that I cannot remember (though I remember every thing else that happened) and the being was gone, then all of the darkness was painted white, and I woke up after that.

   The first ever experience/nightmare I have had of the dark beings was when I was a kid, aged 9, sleeping in my parent’s bed, and for several days, I kept dreaming the same “dream”; me as a kid, holding onto my stuffed bunny, in a vintage nightgown, in the middle of the street in front of my childhood home, only being able to run again and again in the same distance (I could not leave the street at all), and a dark being would chase me endlessly, stretching its hand out to get me, and every day I dreamt it, the closer and closer it got, until one night, it almost got me (or perhaps it did and I never realized because it ended so abruptly). It was the closest it ever got.

   I never had nightmares before moving to this area and into this childhood home (though I lived in NJ still before moving here). And ever since moving here, I have been afraid of being downstairs or in the hallway at night, especially in the house, but anywhere I go, in the night time, it frightens me deep within.

   Lastly, I soooo relate to the sensory experience of living in the city here! “it’s a sensory weight to take on, an emotional burden” YES. “the press and throng of people, the constant sounds” YES!

   There has always been present sound, but ever since living in this childhood home, it is as if it multiplied and no matter how long I have lived here, I am not used to it at all. It is still suffocating, it still makes my ears feel full, it still frustrates and annoys me, especially when it is the hour of the owl and even darker and further into the morning night, and I have to hear neighbors laughing loudly, still having their cookout with a bright yellow light shining in front of my window, dogs across the street who bark incessantly day in and day out, at nothing, for nothing (and the owners don’t stop them and just keep them outside all day, every single day), neighbors arguing and shouting, the smoking of weed in which I can smell and have to shut my window (leaving me to feel hot in my room), and the ambulance, the fire trucks, the police cars, and the cars blasting their music, and cars with very loud, popping engines, and the car crashes, etc.

   It used to scare me a lot as a kid too, and I am not sure if I can say I am no longer scared because I become so anxious and thrown off, rattled, shaken, suddenly ungrounded, my ears hurt, my vision blurs as I zone out, and it is all too much. It is even worse during the day time. I feel that I have never known true silence.

   The only time I experienced true silence and peace was this year, months ago when I got the opportunity to visit a park I have never been too (which is not much far). When I stopped my music, took out my earphones, stood out the car, it was as if I could finally just…breathe. It is a peace I desire daily.

   “open spaces aren’t only in fairy books” is such a lovely experience and realization. It is how I feel when I am within nature and away from the city, which I don’t have much opportunity to do so. As each day passes, and I try to get by, I continue to wish and dream for moving to such a place. For some reason, I have always wanted to move to Scotland, from whenever I knew of it which I think might have been a kid, but most likely in my early teens, until now. I have never been a city person, and growing up watching a show such as InuYasha didn’t help me, because I became so into trying to find a well to jump into and escape, to be someplace truly magical and alive (all of the green and the blue, as I say). In general, for as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to escape and be someplace else

   Now I am also wondering if perhaps Somnia and even Pagan Otherworlds can provide a sense of peace and silence when I allow myself to just patchwork into their world, or well, when they call and pull me inward to them

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   1. 

      Saoirse

      October 17, 2024

      It’s tough when one doesn’t have access to calmer spaces. Abroad has it’s problems too – certainly Ireland does. But I think you raise a key point in that it’s really helpful to patch together a place in tarot. And tarot is helpful too because when it comes time to leave our patchwork places, it gives us practical tools for taking care of ourselves out in consensus reality!

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