Broadly speaking, the merit we do or don’t assign to the imagination is always on my mind. How do we perceive our purpose – as ‘human persons’ – and do we get to factor in things like… baseline personality traits? Neurological health? Any form of personal needs or even preference?
I suspect it is often perceived as melodramatic when a person states they need imagination and creativity to survive… but in my case at least, this is quite literally true. However, I won’t claim this for neurodivergents exclusively – burn out is a serious issue. We, just like the planet around us, have *finite* resources. Fallow periods allow for growth and growth holds value when tempered and balanced. Diversity – socio-cultural, neurological, biological, and ecological is strength. …At least, I think so.
I have been dangerously ill many times in my life… and I will never have the more robust and dependable constitution of someone who has not repeatedly nearly destroyed their body in pursuit of constant socially and economically approved extroversion and productivity. I have spent my whole life trying not to be what I am – autistic, yes… which is also a passionate dreamer, irrevocably introverted, desperately sensitive, creative, earnest, and an inquisitive but flawed (‘slow, airheaded’) human.
…Someone I know was recently told, while presenting material on sustainability at a conference, that unless he slept in a hotel room pre-booked for him on location (without his prior consent – he lives within walking distance) he ‘hadn’t really attended the conference’. I have often heard people talk about being pressured to stay on at work after hours or else they’re not a good employee. I myself have been bullied in the workplace and phoned by employers in the evenings and on days off… The world seems to use the word “hobby” to refer to how we spend our *lives* when not working… When people ask us what we are we tell them our professional titles…
Once, on holiday, when I was very low from family trouble, bereavement, and having left my profession due to aforementioned bullying, someone interrupted me over dinner chat to ask (twice) “why, what are YOU doing?” …I’ll never forget how that felt.
“Media vita in morte sumus” *
I say this in sacred space every single day – I am #deathpositive after all. But #deathpositivity is not about expediting the dying process and it is not about the pursuit of suffering and grief. It’s about integrating a healthy organic relationship with the fact that we are finite and it seeks to combat socio-economic oppression… amongst other larger more collective causes.
I dwell between worlds because that’s where I live …and I guess I’m no longer willing to be apologetic or ashamed of that. I am a living organism with no truly objective purpose. I happen to exist…but certainly I was not born to support exponential and exploitative profiteering. I’ll stay a ‘shiftless dreamer’.
(The featured image on this blog post is of Jane Morris (née Burden) photographed by John Robert Parsons in 1865… and part of a current set of projets or ideas I’m working on.)
* tr. In the midst of life we are in Death.
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