The paradox of wanting a place online to express creative process (or the development of visual languages, portfolios, bodies of work…) is that the effect can only be viewed over time and in retrospect. Time passes between visible stages – in my case probably a lot of it – because the internet is where we come when we have full sentences to say, or photos to share, or sketchbooks to showcase and so on. That’s why I like it here! I want to show those things.
The trick is understanding how to pace that expression and what constitutes something ‘share-worthy’ in the context of our platform goals. But let me explain that better…
Each person is going to have different aims for any platform they choose to build. They may establish goals at the outset, they may develop and change them as they progress, and they may or may not ‘end up’ where they thought they would be. Ideally, along the way, a person will be able to say “yes, this is what I mean to say/share and here is why”. Each point in that journey would reflect what & who they are as authentically as possible… right? It would represent them accurately… right?
This is how the internet – especially sites like youtube – work in real time.
But what do you do when the way you process information and think about creativity doesn’t break down in a granular fashion like that? I very much doubt that anyone in my life could look at any one thing I’ve made or said and understand not only why it exists and what function it plays in the larger whole BUT ALSO that I approach what I do like… not just an album of family photos, but years of albums of family photos!
My inner archivist is showing. My favourite books, documentaries, and radio broadcasts etc about artists are always the ones that talk about the greater stylistic trajectory on which an artist functioned over time. Some academic saying, “well, what you have to remember is that by this time, post war, so and so had only just come into contact with such and such a philosophical circle… it would be years before they were all more closely knit and years before they relocated and that reflected in the fragmented nature of their style at this time. Part of my research is dedicated to tracing the development of [insert now classic leitmotif here] in their body of work!”
So… If I write too many poetry posts in a row, that’s awkward if this isn’t a poetry blog and I don’t ‘brand’ myself as a poet. Am I supposed to ‘cultivate an audience’ that has the patience for that? Is that my ‘brand’? I’ve written poetry my whole life, but I’m not a poet. I make most of my own clothes, but I’m not a fashion designer/costumer/commissioned sewist… I like folklore, slow living, flowers, skirts and candles, but I’m DEFINITELY NOT cottage core. I wear lots of black, I’m #deathpositive, I love macabre dance music, I’m interested in decay and darkness and strange fantastical worlds and corsets…but I’m not ‘a goth’. The list goes on. You get the idea.
Or… if I write that for the past months I have been not only making several changes in my personal life – not least of which are increasing the accuracy of the lexical gaps around my sexuality and gender (xenine, bi, & flammasexual… if you’re curious) and a potential change in living arrangements – but I have also been very slowly working on improving my health and seeing the results as I continue the journey of leaving neurodivergent burnout… what exactly about that do I show you online?
This isn’t *directly* reflected in my sketchbooks (yet?). I have continued to sew. With the exception of the pearl-beaded hair net (and second-hand boots) featured at the top of this post, I’m not ready to show what I’ve been working on until I can think of a more cohesive way to put it (because… again… my personal preference is to provide at least *some* context for ‘content’)… I have been called slow in the past and while it was meant in a mean way, it’s not necessarily untrue.
One thing I will endeavour to do is begin migrating some of what I collect as inspo/reference on my personal pinterest over onto the tumblr account I have associated with this platform. At least, on tumblr, it’s understood that the point is in the aggregation of images and posts … rather than in the minutiae or specifics of any one image. I have my work cut out for me though, I have multiple pin boards organised by topic, time period, and to some extent a hierarchy of intention for each… and some of them have more than 1000 images in them! It’ll be fun though, I hope? This idea seems to have given me a better sense of what each of my sub-platforms (tumblr, Youtube/Makertube, blog) are separately for.
Another thing I can say is that I am continuing to make my own soaps and experiment with homemade cosmetics & perfumes (I have to re-make my lip balm after someone I recently ‘met’ not only sampled it but also literally *licked me* in a pub… long story) as well as some store-bought makeup… and because that familiarised me with working with beeswax, I have progressed to making my own candles too! ^_^
Lastly, here are a few recent photos. I take photos of my readings alllll the time… though not with any consistency. I’ve been having a blast dancing more, especially for a few hours each Friday night, which of course is desperately sweaty work. I’ve taken to lighting candles, putting on my projector light, pouring myself a glass or two of ice cold Jade Absinthe (my FAVOURITE is Esprit Edouard yum yum yum yum yum!!!) and dancing the night away. It certainly feels ritualistic. ^_^
Thus, resisting the urge to explain everything to death, I have now posted something resembling an update. Don’t get to granular about it, folks, but resonate with whatever point appeals to you on a very much non-static continuum.
~ Saoirse.
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