“You Remind me of the Babe…” (7 Get to Know You Better Questions.)

Hello Everyone,

Benebell Wen recently posted Seven Get to Know You Better Questions on her blog. I don’t usually do these sorts of things but every now and then I like the idea enough to partake. Here are my answers for anyone interested! (And some fun old pictures along the way.)

1. What rebellious things did you do as a teenager?

As a teen? Hm, my upbringing was defined by hyper-surveillance, totally arbitrary (when not explicitly classist) standards, as well as intense and impulsive punishment. I didn’t have much opportunity for ‘rebellion’. I’m not sure I understand the word correctly, but here are some examples of things that characterise what I was able to do as a teen – 

• I hated/sucked at math and science, so I fell asleep in physics right in front of the teacher… my philosophy teacher, on the other hand, wrote me poetry 😉

• I pushed every possible clothing boundary I could to express personal identity: wrong layers, clashing colours, crazy long plaited hair… Floor length thrifted crushed velvet with rows of gold military buttons; layered fishnets; multiple hats, sashes & belts on a single day; huge boots that flopped when I walked; loaded up on silver bangles etc. I relied on trawling antique/thrift stores for most of this. I was not permitted current fashions nor anything explicitly gothic/punk/grunge/alternative so I went full batshit crazy with what I had. All of this still had to match standards at home – I was allowed to be weird if I also *seemed* genius, creative, or boast-worthy. I generally forbade my photo to be taken. I was and am still tetchy af about praise. I guess it puts an edge in my insistence on freedom of style now. Creative acts = rebellion, for me, but also f*&% classism and narratives of intergenerational merit/superiority.

• In highschool, a friend of mine (who used to write in Chinese on my mint green jeans and occasionally stuck me with pins by way of greeting) and I used to paint pentagrams and so on in rubber cement on the patio behind the art room and light them on fire. Does painting with fire count as rebellion?

• Whenever my friends and I were done with classes, we’d run across the highway to the mall. Tell me you’re from New Jersey without telling me you’re from New Jersey…

• When I was 18, I swam in Galway bay in my underwear… at 4 am… in January. Lost all feeling in my feet (as did my companions) and we had to haul ourselves up the rocks onto Salthill Promenade like drunken mermaids in a cheesy 70s horror flick. (Also, I nearly killed my father once by losing my glasses in a mountain lake where the snow was within sight upstream. This was unintentional. I have a thing for cold water.)

• When I was 19, I met a retired racing jockey in Cork and slept with him for a few nights in various cities? He was 31. I was traveling as a ringer on an international orchestral tour at the time (and he was not the only such escapade on that trip, let alone that year). Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only devotee of Macha (via the Morrígan), who has been ridden by a jockey. ::insertcrudemarejokehere:: Is that mythopoetic? ::eye roll:: 

2. What did you want to be when you grew up?

• In my 20s, an archivist & rare books librarian (::sigh::). In my teens, an artist (hrrrmmm). As a little kid, a paleontologist because dinosaurs are cool and so were holographic 90s rulers from natural history museums! Funny story about my sisters and I. When I was about 10 my dad asked each of us what we wanted to be when we grew up –

Me (10): “I want to be a paleontologist!” My dad, “Cool! What about you [middle sister]?”

Middle Sister (7): “A writer!” My dad, “That’s amazing! And [youngest sister]?

Youngest Sister (4): “A caterpillar. A big BIG CATERPILLAR!!!“

3. Tell me about your first car?

• I have never had a car and I can’t drive. I will learn to drive only when I can FINALLY adopt a greyhound as I will need to be able to take it to the vet in the case of an emergency.

4. How did you meet your spouse?

• Two weeks after my 20th birthday I went to study abroad for half a year at TCD. Future-spouse (then nearing 27) and I met in an extracurricular non-credit modern Irish course – I was studying medieval history and he (an atheist) was studying theology and early Irish. He introduced me to the Early Irish Society which led to such early bonding experiences as holding the hand of the crusader corpse in St. Michan’s crypt and attending lectures on Roman coinage in neolithic sites between pub outings etc… He liked Leonard Cohen and supplied me all the Tom Waits I didn’t already have, on CDs in chronological order… which was the point at which my Dad suddenly realised they needed to take this guy seriously 😛 I asked him out. And I also asked to go home with him on the first date because I’m a whoooooore*.

* Here’s the reference I’m making with that.

• We broke up when I went back to the US but singlehood lasted all of three miserable days. We were then long distance for 6 years. The longest we went without seeing each other was one full year (12 months) in which we managed only 2 weeks together. It sucked.

• When we got engaged neither of us properly proposed and I have no use for fancy rings. But we married twice.

5. What is a dream you’ve let go of?

• Being a rare books librarian in an art historical context. I had to let it go a few months after achieving the closest I’ve ever had to the dream job. I will not talk about this further except to say that the Morrígan was explicitly present during that time and facing the reality of letting that dream go was/is an explicit part of ‘deity work’ for me. (UPG)

6. What is something that brings you joy?

• Sewing, crafting, keeping my hands busy. Obliterating bad body image through making my own custom fit clothing that’s dead on target for my design tastes. All while eschewing fast fashion!

• …Jewelry. Sparkly stuff. Corvids and foxes… 

• Death positivity – read this to get started.

• Day-dreaming, writing poetry, singing, dancing, listening to music, loving lyrics…
  • One of my favourite lyrics – “The devil’s ascended upon some crystal wings. In the citadel lightning splits a cloud of butterflies and fiends. And with a vacant stare, I’ll leave a flower there.” (Mark Lanegan, Harborview Hospital …I had the privilege of seeing him perform that song live in Portsmouth. Life-changing.)

• Wild-swimming!!!

• Hiking/walking alone in the mist or with Spouse.

• Spouse, my wonderful beautiful chosen person.

7. What do you want your legacy to be?

• Generally, neutrality. Minimise harm and foster quiet acts of benefit to the world. …Also, I try to encourage and uplift my nephews and nieces. To ensure that their interests, passions, and depth are acknowledged and treated with respect.

“..for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.” (George Eliot**)

** Whose novels I have not yet liked.

Sincerely,

Saoirse.